Thursday, August 25, 2011

Krusty Blatchford and the Farting Dog















Oh.My.Doggy. I was hoping not to have to write anything about the way Christie Blatchford crapped on Jack Layton's memory, the day after he died.

Because as he so sadly showed, life is too short to worry about nasty things like that, when we've got a world to change. But since so much has been written about Blotch Belch Blatch.

And the harpie wingnut Barbara Kay is trying to outdo her by squeezing out this turd.

I thought I'd just ask the question: Why is everyone so surprised ? When Krusty has been in the Hall of Shame for YEARS.

And so has her writing.

Unfortunately, I must have used a too-loud voice, because I disturbed the dog, who reproached me with a sharp look and a disdainful pffftt or two from his rear quarters.
(13 May 2009)


How on earth did it come to this, that despair so perfumes the air? (14 February 2008)

Golly. I don't know. But how on earth could anyone write this?

Moi, je refuse: I shall cough into my cupped hands until I lose the slight dexterity that requires and then I shall hack unashamedly into the public air. By that time, I expect, I will be well into the public farting years anyway, so I figure I might as well cough too.

As I approach those years, I still have no idea why it is that as one gets older, one grows more flatulent, but I do recognize it as a curious truth...


Although I guess it does help explain why our boys in uniform don't love her quite as much as she loves them...














And why a soldier friend of mine once told me that given a choice between battling the Taliban, or riding in an APC with Blatchford, after she hadn't shaved for three days, he'd rather take his chances with the hairier ones.

Or why another friend once told me that he thinks her purple Afghan tales are better than gay porn. Because when she starts drooling about all those hunky guys, with their rippling muscles, their tattoos, and the sweat running down their brows navels, his member can't help springing to attention. ATTEN- SHUN !!!!

Even as his mind wanders.

Take that Molière...or Don Cherry.

And besides it's not like she hasn't been punished before eh? Like when the tiny terror bit Richard Colvin in the balls knee ankle. And even Paul Wells thought she was naughty.

In 20 years in journalism I have never seen anything resembling the systematic and sustained repudiation to which Christie Blatchford, the Globe and Mail‘s marquee columnist, is being subjected by her own newspaper. There is room in any good paper for disagreements among colleagues, and frankly there should, for a long time now, have been room for more of that at the Globe. But this goes further. This is breathtakingly methodical. And I believe it was needed.

But while any other self respecting Canadian journalist would have fled to a foreign country after that whupping, and assumed a new identity.

She didn't...













She just wrapped herself in bitterness, and crapped on Jack Layton.

Because he was right about Afghanistan, she was ridiculous.

And there's only one Krusty !!!!

But wait. What's this? Oh nooooooooooooooo !!!! Now even the Post is punishing her, by making her write about FIRE ALARMS !!!

Fire alarms? The great Christie Blatchford? Golly. Could this really be The End?

You know I had a horrible nightmare the day after I saw her squatting over Jack's memory. I dreamed it was ten years from now, and she was squatting over a rickety table in a dingy Legion Hall. Sucking up quarters and bottle tops like a hoover...or a CF-18. 

And then some old geezer in a wheelchair bumped into the table. It collapsed. She flew around the room, like a balloon with a hole in it. And I woke up SCREAMING.

Just like she's probably going to scream when she see this.

Krusty, Krusty we'll miss you. Pffftt.

We don't want to lose you.

But we think you ought to GO...



6 comments:

ThinkingManNeil said...

Blatchford is a prototypical thoughtless, jibbering con who simply can't abide anything or anyone that doesn't march in lockstep with the "white and might make right" crowd. That she took a dump on Jack Layton doesn't surprise me, but her crassness in doing it less than a day after he'd been felled by a disease that usually makes even the hardest heart fearful really went beyond the pale.

Personally, though, what I find most offensive about her is her unthinking, sycophantic -- and misplaced -- worship of the military that borders on the fetishistic. Like all chickenshit chickenhawks she'll eagerly pound the martial drums and loudly bray how brave and how patriotic and how veddy, veddy Canadian it is to feed other people's kids into meatgrinder wars WHEN SHE HAS NONE OF HER OWN TO RISK, and then cries her crocodile tears when they come home permanently maimed and scarred, or get paraded down the 401 to be put into a far too early grave. And yet she thinks this somehow manly and glorious.

Ms. Blatchford's experiences with war amount to little more than a servile camp follower, promoting a corporatist agenda with any questioning of that agenda taken as an unpatriotic slight against The Troops and a swipe at Canada as a whole. Perhaps if she were a parent and it was her son or daughter caught in a firefight or having to patrol a road laced with IED's, possibly facing the prospect of having to care for a horrifically wounded or disfigured child for the remainder of their life, having to deal with one who's been deeply traumatized mentally and emotionally from what they've seen and done, or be forced to bury one before their time maybe then she might have a genuine second thought penetrate her militaristic bluster.

I would argue that it is every Canadian's duty to question why we send our military in to harm's way anywhere when there is no clear and direct threat to Canada or no unambiguous moral justification. I am so sick and tired of hearing uninformed yobs go on about how our soldiers are "defending our freedoms" over in Afghanistan. No, they're not. Afghanistan is is an unwinnable war based on lies. We're not there to liberate Afghani women or fight for freedom; the West went in there to make it safe for an oil pipeline and for overpaid CEO's in Saville Row suits. And if they want to know WHY Afghanistan is unwinnable and has always been so then crack open a history book or two or even rent a DVD of "The Beast", ya lazy bastards...

If Blatchford had a child risking his or her mortal ass over there, then perhaps she would have a greater appreciation for "Taliban Jack's" proposals to talk with all parties involved (something the Allies now confess has been going on for some time). We're not going to leave Afghanistan better than when we came in, nor will NATO or the Americans; the ways and tribal culture of the Afghan people are thousands of years old, and no amount of treasure or force will ever change them. That kind of change has to come from within the people themselves, and it may very well never come, for better or worse. But I do know that to shed another drop of young blood on an unwinnable war based on corporatist lies is a crime; a crime that right wing hawks like Christie Blatchford are accomplices to. My best advice to her would be to either grow a heart or shut the fuck up.

Neil H.
Former Reservist,
Hastings & Prince Edward Reg't, "B" Coy

martin said...

Simon,

I believe Blatchford wrote her piece on the same day as Jack's death. I saw it ~9 hrs (maybe less) after I learned of the death. That's what made it especially vile.

Anonymous said...

Blatchford is a straight-up c*nt.

Simon said...

hi Neil...Wow.You're amazing.If I could write like you I'd be one happy guy ;)

And yes,yes,YES.

Personally, though, what I find most offensive about her is her unthinking, sycophantic -- and misplaced -- worship of the military that borders on the fetishistic. Like all chickenshit chickenhawks she'll eagerly pound the martial drums and loudly bray how brave and how patriotic and how veddy, veddy Canadian it is to feed other people's kids into meatgrinder wars WHEN SHE HAS NONE OF HER OWN TO RISK, and then cries her crocodile tears when they come home permanently maimed and scarred, or get paraded down the 401 to be put into a far too early grave. And yet she thinks this somehow manly and glorious.

Of all the things I detest the glorification of war probably tops the list.

My Scottish family has a military tradition going back two hundred years, and with the exception of the Second World War, all that blood was spilled for no good reason as far as I can see.

I understand why many Canadians support our doomed mission in Afghanistan. And I would expect them to support the troops because they didn't choose to be there.

But I thought the war was an absolute disaster, and I expect journalists to tell the full story. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

And all Blatchford ever contributed was jingoism and chickenhawk nonsense.

And I shall forgive her for her crass remarks about Jack Layton long before I forgive her for that. If I ever do, which I doubt...

Simon said...

hi martin...thanks for that. Yes it does make it worse doesn't it? It just shows she couldn't wait to dump on Jack Layton the moment he died.
What can you say eh? Except how crass, and how PATHETIC...

Simon said...

hi anonymous... I agree. She's a straight-up CON-T... ;)